Coast One

Personal lives are played out every day on blogs and journals online, around the world and with just a few strokes of a keyboard. So why is everyone so interested in mine? There are thousands of other lives to intrude on a daily basis, millions of people yearning for attention.

I got an e-mail from a Lambda-like group out here in Vacaville. I sent them a message asking when the best time to call would be. I received a message back saying most people are at the center after seven in the evening. I wrote back, saying I still didn’t know when the best time to call the center was. I think I’m one of those people who doesn’t always put two and two together to make four…it sometimes comes out zero, or one…or occasionally, I’ll get some squared number.

Found an old friend online. I think we’re still friends. I can’t remember the last time we talked, but I don’t think it ended on a happy note. He lives here in Vacaville and knew full-well that I was coming back [I must’ve told him quite a bit two years ago when we were talking].

I’ve been extremely homesick. I visited a touch spa today and couldn’t stop telling the ladies working on my hair, feet and fingers about El Paso. The girl who did my fingers…a 17-year-old named Leena…had a lot of questions regarding homosexuality. “I don’t understand people who are a guy but think they’re a girl…”I tried to explain to her that I didn’t either, but I do my best to respect everyone regardless of who they are or what they look like.

Initially, I went to Wal-Mart looking for a Duncan Sheik album [any of them would have done] as well as Jamie Cullum’s “twentysomething”, which I’ve got around here somewhere but figure I’ll re-purchase anyway since I’ll probably never find it. Couldn’t find either at Wally World, so I settled on Sarah McLachlan’s “Surfacing” and Five For Fighting’s “Battle For Everything” [the DualDisc was the same price as the regular version…guess which one I bought?] It was definitely a “Kara Music Day” tonight.

Comcast finally came around to install our cable. We are getting more channels than we’re supposed to. I won’t tell if you don’t tell. The cable guy, clearly, had no idea what he was doing.

I miss Jacob terribly. A few days ago, I told him a secret I’ve been keeping for a long time, and now, I miss him more than ever. I think I need him now more than ever, his friendship, to keep me open and alive. Right now, I’ve got nobody here. Even Rob, who flew in from San Francisco to see me, is now upset with me…I called his friend “shallow” and accused Rob of not sticking up for me to his friend…now he’s upset, and though I know he’s in the wrong…I still apologized. I’m now on the defense, and I should still be on the offense.

I’m getting weaer everyday, caving into everyone else. Jacob was wrong…I’m not a strong person.